Why open relationships can feel like the wild west (and that’s kind of a good thing)

No rules, more freedom, and space for honest conversations.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Let’s be real. When it comes to relationships, society LOVES to give us a rulebook. Monogamy? You’ve got the whole script. Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, cue exclusive dinners, vacations, and “forever and ever, amen” rings. We know the beats, the roles, and what counts as cheating (it’s usually texting your ex at 2 a.m., by the way).

But with open relationships, oh wow, there’s no rulebook. It’s like diving into the deep end of a pool with no lifeguard and no instructions on how to swim. And that, my friends, can be both terrifying and incredibly freeing.

The No-Rules Vibe: Why Open Relationships Feel So Uncharted

First things first, there’s no established “norm” for open relationships. Which is the point, right? By definition, an open relationship throws traditional, monogamy-defined boundaries out the window. You’re creating the rules as you go—like a couple of pioneers in the untamed relationship wilderness.

And the beauty of it? You’re not stuck measuring yourself against society’s expectations. When the world hasn’t handed you a formula, it’s pretty tough to feel like you’re “doing it wrong.” Suddenly, you’re free to ask questions, explore your feelings, and redefine commitment on your own terms.

Think about it like this: monogamy comes with a map. But with open relationships, it’s like you’ve got a blank canvas and a set of paints. You get to create something that works for you—and no two pictures are going to look the same.

The Beauty of Not Feeling Like a Failure

Here’s the therapist-y insight: without a rigid framework to stick to, you’re also less likely to feel guilt or shame for not following some unwritten relationship manual. You’re forced to have open communication—actual open communication, not that vague, half-hearted stuff most couples pretend is enough.

In monogamous relationships, when something feels "off"—cue the guilt spiral. You think you're the problem, or worse, you’re breaking some sacred rule. In open relationships? There’s a whole lot more “Wait, how does this make you feel?” and “What can we do to make this work for both of us?” There’s room for feelings, mistakes, and growth, and there’s not this constant fear that you’re failing at something you’re supposed to “win.”

No Framework Means More Freedom (But Also, Let’s Talk About Boundaries)

Let’s not get it twisted. While open relationships don’t have a one-size-fits-all handbook, that doesn’t mean you’re running around with zero boundaries. In fact, clear boundaries are critical, and ironically, many open couples end up with more boundaries than their monogamous counterparts because they’re actually talking about them.

Tips from the therapist chair:

• Start with radical honesty. Ask each other: “What’s your definition of cheating? Is it emotional? Physical? Texting someone too often?” Lay it all out.

• Create check-in moments. Just because you set boundaries once doesn’t mean they stay fixed. People grow, feelings shift, and that third Tinder date could bring up stuff you didn’t expect. Regular check-ins keep everyone on the same page.

• Get clear on jealousy. This one’s tricky. Contrary to popular belief, jealousy doesn’t vanish in open relationships—it just shows up differently. Instead of avoiding it, talk about it. Name it, explore where it’s coming from, and figure out what you both need to feel secure.

Why We’re More Free to Speak About Our Feelings

The wild thing about open relationships is that, because there’s no standard structure, people tend to feel safer speaking up about their emotional needs. You can’t lean on “the way it’s always been done,” so instead, you’ve got to rely on actual communication.

When you’re in uncharted territory, you’re constantly asking things like:

• “How do we define commitment?”

• “What happens if one of us catches feels for someone else?”

• “Are we cool with dating separately, or are we sticking to threesomes for now?”

These aren’t exactly light topics, but they’re necessary when the default rules don’t apply. You’re forced to dive deep into the complexities of trust, insecurity, and, yes, desire.

The best part? This kind of communication doesn’t leave much room for passive-aggressive games or emotional guesswork. When you have to talk about the hard stuff upfront, it makes the relationship stronger—regardless of whether you're dating only each other or spreading the love around.

Tips for Keeping Open Relationships Healthy and Sexy

Want to keep things thriving in your open relationship? Here are a few cheeky-but-therapist-approved tips:

1. Define and redefine ‘open.’ Open can mean a LOT of things, from casual flirting to full-on polyamory. Be clear about what ‘open’ means to you, and check in often.

2. Treat jealousy like a guest, not a threat. Invite it in for coffee, ask it some questions, but don’t let it overstay its welcome. Jealousy is normal. Just don’t let it control you.

3. Have a safe word for emotional moments. Yep, just like in the bedroom. A safe word can stop an argument in its tracks and signal, “We need to pause and reset.”

4. Self-awareness is sexy. Know yourself. Know your needs. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. The more you understand your own desires and boundaries, the better you can communicate them.

5. Protect your time together. Just because you're open doesn't mean you stop prioritizing the relationship. Schedule date nights, show up for each other, and don't let new partners take over your calendar.

Freedom Without the Failures

At the end of the day, the lack of societal structure in open relationships is a gift in disguise. It forces couples to build their own relationship dynamic—one that works for them and only them.

There’s no "right" or "wrong" way to do it because, guess what? No one’s written that book yet. And that’s where the magic happens. You get to show up as your truest self, speak freely about your wants and needs, and stop worrying about breaking some ancient code of coupledom.

So go ahead, get comfortable in the discomfort of not knowing what comes next. You might just find that it’s the most empowering kind of love there is.

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