Gratitude fatigue: Why it’s okay to feel meh sometimes
Why it’s perfectly okay to not feel #blessed every single day - and how to stop beating yourself up about it.
Not feeling grateful 24/7? Spoiler: You’re human, and that’s completely normal.
Ever find yourself staring at your life—your cozy home, your (sometimes) loving partner, your fridge with at least some food in it—and think, "Wow, I’m so lucky. I should be feeling grateful, right?" But instead of a rush of gratitude, what do you feel? Meh. Or worse, you feel a tiny twinge of guilt because, ugh, you know you’re supposed to feel blessed, but really all you feel is like curling up in a ball with Netflix and avoiding the world.
Sound familiar? Well, spoiler alert: You're not alone, and you’re definitely not a terrible person. Here’s the thing—life can be beautiful, and exhausting, at the same time. And if you’ve ever had one of those “I-should-be-grateful-but-I-just-can’t-muster-it” moments, there’s actually a good psychological explanation for why.
Why Feeling Grateful Isn’t Always Easy (Even When It Should Be)
First of all, let’s clear the air: gratitude is a feeling, not a permanent state of mind. And like all feelings, it’s a bit unpredictable. One minute you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy because your partner brought you coffee. The next, you’re rolling your eyes because they forgot to take the rubbish out. The complexity of human emotions doesn’t make sense sometimes, and honestly, that’s kind of the point.
Enter: the negativity bias. Yep, our brains are wired to pay more attention to the bad stuff than the good stuff. This is a nifty little survival mechanism from back in the caveman days when "the good stuff" was a berry bush and "the bad stuff" was, you know, a saber-toothed tiger. It helped our ancestors stay alive, but now it just leaves us dwelling on petty annoyances like slow Wi-Fi or the mysterious laundry that never puts itself away. So, even when things are pretty darn okay, we might still focus on what's not perfect.
Comparison is (Still) the Thief of Joy
Here’s the other tricky part: social comparison. We’re bombarded with Instagram-worthy lives of friends, influencers, and that one girl from high school who seems to be perpetually on a luxury vacation. And sure, you’re aware that no one’s life is perfect, but let’s be real—your brain does notice that their vacation photos look a little sunnier than your 9-5 existence. Even when you know you shouldn’t compare, your brain goes there, and suddenly your perfectly decent day feels… underwhelming.
The truth is, no matter how many times we hear that we should “be grateful for what we have,” it’s normal to feel a little bleh now and then. The good news? You can shift your mindset without making yourself feel guilty for not being the poster child of gratitude.
How to Snap Out of the Gratitude Guilt
So, what can you do when you feel like you should be more grateful, but you're just not feeling it? Let’s break it down:
1. Acknowledge the Feels
First, it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, even if it’s not gratitude. Maybe you’re tired, stressed, or just had a long day where everything feels like a giant “ugh.” Give yourself permission to be human—because spoiler alert, you are. Instead of forcing yourself into gratitude, take a moment to recognize what’s really going on. Are you overwhelmed? Burnt out? Or just feeling a little off? Identifying the emotion behind the lack of gratitude can help you figure out what you actually need—whether that’s rest, a good cry, or just a little space.
2. Go Small with Gratitude
Gratitude doesn’t have to be some grand, sweeping acknowledgment of your fabulous life. In fact, aiming too big can make it feel more overwhelming. Instead, focus on tiny things you can appreciate. The smell of your morning coffee. The fact that your bin bag didn’t rip on the way to the trash. These little moments of joy are just as important, and they’re a lot easier to recognize when you stop trying to turn gratitude into some big emotional event.
3. Be Honest About What’s Hard
It’s okay to admit when things are tough. You don’t need to slap a "grateful" sticker over the cracks in your life. In fact, owning up to what’s hard might help you process it better. Struggling with a demanding job? Feeling underappreciated at home? Say it. To yourself, to a friend, or maybe just to the pillow. Bottling it up only makes you feel worse. Admitting the tough stuff doesn’t erase the good—it just makes you more honest with yourself, and that’s a form of self-care too.
4. Practice Mindfulness (and No, You Don’t Have to Be Good at It)
Okay, I know, I know. Everyone’s been preaching about mindfulness, but bear with me. Practicing mindfulness doesn’t mean you have to meditate on a mountaintop. It could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths when you feel that guilt creeping in or checking in with your body when you're feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, just being aware of the present moment—and noticing how you feel in that moment—is enough to calm your brain's chaos.
5. Stop Should-ing on Yourself
Listen, anytime you start a sentence with "I should feel...," just stop right there. You don’t owe anyone your gratitude. Yes, it’s a great feeling to have, but it’s not a moral obligation. You’re allowed to experience the full range of human emotions without beating yourself up over it. So, let’s drop the “shoulds,” and just focus on what’s real in the moment. Sometimes, that means feeling grateful. Sometimes, it means feeling nothing at all—and that’s totally fine.
The Bottom Line: It’s Okay Not to Be Grateful All the Time
The idea that you always have to be grateful can be exhausting, and frankly, unrealistic. Life is a messy, unpredictable, sometimes infuriating rollercoaster, and while there are moments worth savoring, it’s totally okay to feel neutral—or even grumpy—about others.
So next time you’re scrolling through your life’s highlight reel and think, “I should feel more grateful,” pause. Take a breath. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can, and know that gratitude, like all emotions, comes and goes. And when it shows up? Great. When it doesn’t? That’s okay too.
Now go grab yourself that well-deserved coffee (or wine), because let’s be honest, you deserve it—gratitude or not.
