From No Self-Worth to Selfish (and Finding a Happy Medium)
Raw honesty and vulnerability incoming!
Once upon a time, I was the quintessential people-pleaser. My empathy knew no bounds, and I'd bend over backward to make everyone around me happy. I thought this was my path to acceptance, to love, to self-worth. But it came at a steep cost: my own happiness.
The People-Pleaser's Plight
As a people-pleaser, I put everyone else's needs above my own. I was the go-to person when friends needed a shoulder to cry on, the late-night confidante, the one who'd say "yes" even when my gut screamed "no." It felt like a noble pursuit, but deep down, I was drowning in a sea of unmet desires and neglected dreams.
The Breaking Point
Then came a moment of revelation. I realized that in my quest to please everyone, I'd neglected the most important person in the equation: me. It was as if I'd been running on empty for years, and I was exhausted, frustrated, and resentful. It wasn't sustainable, and I knew I needed a change.
The Swing to Selfishness
In my quest to reclaim my life and rediscover my desires, I swung to the other extreme – I became selfish. I started saying "no" more often, setting boundaries, and focusing on my needs. At times, it felt like I was bulldozing through relationships and friendships, putting myself above all else.
Therapeutic Insights
During this transformation, I sought help from therapists who provided essential insights. They explained that being a people-pleaser often stems from a lack of self-worth. We try to earn love and acceptance through serving others because we don't believe we're enough as we are. It was a tough pill to swallow, but recognizing this truth was the first step in my journey to self-discovery.
Finding a Happy Medium
Now, I'm on the path to finding a balance that eluded me for so long. I've learned that it's not about swinging from one extreme to another, but about discovering the middle ground where I can assert my needs without disregarding those of others. It's about self-care without selfishness, self-worth without self-centeredness.
Directly to You
If my journey sounds familiar, know that you're not alone. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, and it's equally okay to care for others. Finding the happy medium requires patience, self-compassion, and, sometimes, professional guidance. Remember that your self-worth isn't determined by how much you please others. It's rooted in your ability to honor yourself and your needs while also caring for those around you.
From no self-worth to selfish and onwards to the rewarding balance in between.
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