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🔗🌟 She did everything “right.” Married young. Stayed loyal. Built the life she was told would make her happy. And then one day, she asked her husband a question that would change everything..
THE GOOD LIFE THAT DIDN’T QUITE FIT
Courtney Boyer was the good girl.
The overachiever. The people pleaser. The woman who followed the rules so well, she barely noticed they weren’t hers to begin with.
Marriage at 22. One partner. A life shaped by faith, structure, and a very clear idea of what a “good woman” looks like.
And for a while, it worked. Or at least, it looked like it did.
But underneath that polished version of a life was something quieter. A kind of absence. Not dramatic. Not loud. Just… a slow, creeping sense of invisibility.
Not just sexually. Existentially.
THE MOMENT EVERYTHING SHIFTED
Sometimes change doesn’t come from desire. It comes from distance.
When her husband was deployed for seven months, Courtney found herself alone in a foreign country, raising children, building a business, holding everything together.
And somewhere in that chaos, a thought landed:
I don’t actually need him to survive.
That wasn’t rejection. It was revelation.
For the first time, marriage became a choice instead of an obligation. And once you see that, you can’t unsee it.
THE QUESTION THAT OPENS EVERYTHING
There’s this idea that life-changing moments arrive with clarity and confidence.
They don’t.
Sometimes they sound like:
“What if we had a threesome?”
Not because you want one.
But because you don’t yet have the language for what you actually want.
That question cracked something open. And once it did, there was no neat way to close it again.
POLYAMORY IS NOT THE FANTASY YOU THINK IT IS
Let’s be honest.
From the outside, it can look exciting. Liberating. A little rebellious.
And yes, there are moments that feel exactly like that. Courtney describes it as electrifying.
But what people don’t see?
The conversations. Endless ones.
The doubt. The jealousy. The fear of losing everything.
The emotional labour of holding multiple truths at once.
This is not a shortcut to happiness.
It’s an expansion. And expansion stretches.
WHEN PLEASURE BECOMES CONTROVERSIAL
One of the most striking truths from this conversation is simple, but uncomfortable:
Women who pursue pleasure unapologetically make people uneasy.
Not just sexual pleasure. Pleasure in general.
Joy. Autonomy. Choice.
Because it reflects something back. A question many people don’t want to ask themselves:
Why don’t I allow myself that?
THE REAL WORK ISN’T OUT THERE. IT’S IN HERE.
At first, external validation can feel intoxicating.
Attention. Desire. Being seen.
But eventually, that high wears off. And you’re left with a more confronting question:
Can I see myself?
Courtney puts it simply: you have to be willing to meet yourself before asking anyone else to do it.
And that’s where the real work begins.
MOTHERHOOD, MARRIAGE, AND TELLING THE TRUTH
One of the most powerful moments in the episode isn’t about sex at all.
It’s about her children.
The fear that they would see her differently. That they would judge her. Reject her.
Instead, they held her hand while she cried and told her:
We don’t care who you love. We love you.
And just like that, the shame began to loosen its grip.
WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT
This episode isn’t actually about polyamory.
It’s about something much bigger.
It’s about the quiet ways we abandon ourselves to be accepted.
The roles we perform so well we forget we’re performing.
The lives we build that look right, but don’t feel right.
And the terrifying, beautiful moment when you decide to stop.
A QUESTION TO LEAVE YOU WITH
Where in your life are you choosing approval over truth?
And what might happen if you stopped?
About Courtney
Courtney Boyer, M.Ed., M.S., is a therapist-turned-relationship coach, writer, and speaker whose work centers on love, desire, and authenticity. She is the author of Not Tonight Honey and Opened, and has been featured in Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, and BBC Radio Live.
Drawing on her background in mental health and sex therapy, she blends professional expertise with lived experience to help women break free from shame, reclaim their voice, and create relationships rooted in honesty and autonomy.
She lives in Germany with her husband and three children.
🔗 Find Courtney here:
Instagram: @courtneyboyercoaching - https://www.instagram.com/courtneyboyercoaching/
Couple IG: @themonopolycouple - https://www.instagram.com/themonopolycouple/
Website: https://www.courtneyboyercoaching.com
🎧 Listen and Learn More
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Tune in for an eye-opening and inspiring discussion that challenges stereotypes and celebrates authenticity! 🍑
Audio Impairment: Find the transcript on here too.
Feel free to send me your questions and wishes anytime either here, on Instagram or under yes@pleasepinchmehard.com
More of me on Instagram, Webpage, my book on Amazon and Spotify.
Thanks for reading Mrs Lisa O | Audio Impairment: Find the transcript on here too.
Feel free to send me your questions and wishes anytime either here, on Instagram or under yes@pleasepinchmehard.com
More of me on Instagram, Webpage, my book on Amazon and Spotify.
