Are Open Relationships Just for the Unfulfilled and Chronically Overavailable?
Sex, Spreadsheets, and Existential Dread: The Case Against (and For) Open Relationships
Ah, open relationships. The sexy brunch topic of the millennial and Gen Z glitterati. Once the stuff of taboo, now the stuff of podcast episodes, late-night DMs, and couples’ therapy sessions with far too many throw pillows. But the question on everyone's monogamous little mind remains: Are open relationships just for unfulfilled people with way too much time, lube, and unresolved attachment wounds?
First, Define “Unfulfilled” (Because… Who Isn’t?)
Here’s a newsflash: you’re supposed to feel a little unfulfilled in life. It’s called capitalism. And also Tuesday. But open relationships get a bad rap as the final pit stop before emotional collapse. People whisper (or tweet): “If you were really happy, you wouldn’t need to sleep with other people.”
Right. And if you were really healthy, you’d love kale.
Spoiler alert: fulfillment isn’t a static state of inner zen—it’s a moving target, like your boyfriend’s definition of “we’re exclusive.” Open relationships don’t happen because someone’s unsatisfied. They happen because someone’s curious. Or adventurous. Or yes, occasionally bored and armed with a Google Doc titled “Threesome Boundaries (Color Coded).”
Too Much Time? Oh Honey, You Have No Idea.
People assume open relationships are a full-time job. And honestly? Sometimes they are. There’s scheduling. Check-ins. Group chats. Aftercare. Calendars that look like NASA mission logs. It’s not “Netflix and chill,” it’s “Tuesday at 7 if he cancels on his hinge date and my Dom is out of town.”
So yes, in some ways, you do need time—time to communicate, reflect, journal, cry into your oat milk latte, communicate again, and maybe squeeze in a tantric sex workshop. But calling that “too much time” is like saying people who run marathons must just be really bored pedestrians.
What Is Too Much?
Let’s talk about the quiet smugness of monogamy for a second. There's this vibe, this "we've evolved past the need to explore" energy, as if staying with the same person forever is some sort of Olympic event in suffering.
But some people cling to monogamy like it’s a weighted blanket for their fear of abandonment. Others enter open relationships like it’s a personality trait (hi, I’m polyamorous, vegan, and I only wear vintage hemp.) Both camps have their emotional baggage—and both deserve therapy and a good vibrator.
Are Open Relationships a Trendy Mess?
Short answer: sometimes. Longer answer: sometimes not.
Some people genuinely thrive in open dynamics. They communicate like champs, know their jealous triggers, and have a Google Calendar so clean it gives you a minor orgasm just looking at it. Others… fall into open relationships the way you fall into a bad haircut: hoping it’ll make you feel hotter, only to spend six months crying into a beanie.
Open relationships aren’t a band-aid for a boring sex life. They’re a whole surgical procedure. And if you’re going in thinking it’ll fix your relationship? Babe. That’s like adopting a puppy to save your marriage—adorable, chaotic, and probably peeing on the rug.
So… What’s the Truth?
The truth is, open relationships aren’t just for the unfulfilled. They’re also for the fulfilled. The curious. The kinky. The queer. The people allergic to tradition. The ones who like spreadsheets and sex toys.
Are some people doing it badly? Oh, absolutely. But so are plenty of monogamous couples—emotionally starved, sexually bored, binge-watching Love Is Blind and pretending not to check their ex’s Insta stories.
Open or closed, the real question isn’t about fulfillment or free time. It’s about whether you’re brave enough to have the messy, honest, soul-stretching conversations that any relationship demands.
And maybe, if you're lucky, someone who won’t ghost you after a threesome.
TL;DR: Are open relationships for unfulfilled people with too much time on their hands?
No more than monogamy is for people who fear change and hate group chats.
Now go forth and schedule your kink negotiation call. You’ve got 45 minutes before your partner gets back from their cuddle puddle.
